Birth: part 1

My first two babies, I had in a hospital, with all that that implies:

induction, pitocin, epidural, episiotomy, 

numb legs, postpartum depression,

and doubt.

Doubt about my contractions.

Doubt about pushing and if I was doing it the right way.

Doubt about breastfeeding and if I was capable.

Doubt about my own ability to mother.

My ability to mother?  Are you kidding me?

I am a Mother, that is what I am made to be.  Of course I know how to mother.

But still I doubted.

Why did I doubt?  Why would I doubt?

The more I thought about it, the more I realized why;

Why wouldn't I?

If I couldn't push out my own baby, without the help of Doctors, Nurses, Monitors, and Meds,  then how in the world could I feel capable of caring for the little one?

And so, upon this realization, I decided the third time would be different.  

I decided, but had no idea how different it would be.

I know, what a lovely picture.